Let’s talk about trauma. Not all trauma looks like a war veteran who hits the ground when a car backfires. (Although that is very real and very frightening). Some trauma looks more like scar tissue. Or like a vine that has wrapped around a tree trunk. It grows with you,...Read More
Three Years in Recovery Yesterday was my “re-birthday.” That was the term a friend used recently to describe the anniversary of the day she entered treatment and began the process of recovery. Three years ago yesterday — December 11 — I entered treatment at the Renfrew Center...Read More
The Election of Trump It has been a while since I’ve written. I had a post ready to go explaining my absence, which has been largely due to a new job with ample responsibilities and challenges. But then Tuesday happened, and suddenly my own travails lost their significance to...Read More
Standing in the middle of recovering and recovered | Life within an eating disorder
I am a twenty-something writer living in New York City and recovering from a 12-year battle with an eating disorder. In December 2013, I admitted myself to a treatment program and have been working toward recovery ever since. Now, in these later stages, I find myself standing in a sort of middle ground — en route to recovery, but still a ways from the finish line.
In the debate about whether one can ever fully recover, or whether one is fated to spend life in a chronic state of “recovering,” I am wholeheartedly on the side that full recovery is possible. Even I if I never make it there myself, and I were to grow old with my eating disorder still at my side, I will swear by the fact that recovery is, in fact, real.
The middle ground is the rough terrain somewhere between “recovering” and “recovered.” This middle ground is paved with the hope that full recovery is possible; however, walking it still requires daily focus and commitment. Standing here, one is sharply aware of how grueling yet critical the fight is, because the pain caused by both the eating disorder and recovery itself is still raw.
While there are many bloggers on both sides of recovery — from the relapsed to the fully-recovered — I believe this midway perspective is much less represented in the eating disorder literature. But standing here on the brink of recovery, I find there is a lot to say.
Through this site, I am reclaiming the voice that anorexia took from me. By speaking out, I hope to stay on this side of recovery, and, just maybe, help others along the way.
On this blog site you’ll find my own journey through the recovery process, as well as news and commentary on issues that are relevant to patients, professionals, and supporters alike. One issue in particular that I believe must be addressed is the abysmal situation surrounding insurance coverage for eating disorders. Despite mental health parity laws, insurance providers disregard the needs of eating disorder patients. Case managers and hired physicians from these companies make unilateral decisions about the patient’s treatment — decisions that, if the patient were to make them herself, would be considered AMA, against medical advice. Tragically, these malpractices sometimes costs patients their lives