Feeling Overwhelmed—And a Whole Lot More
I just had “the meeting” with my bosses about leaving again for treatment. They were amazingly supportive, as they’ve always been. As long as no surprises happen on the insurance front, and as long as I’m medically stable enough to be in day treatment, I could start at Monte Nido as soon as Thursday. I got a bit weepy talking to my bosses about the situation, which is very unusual for me. I suppose I’m just feeling fragile today. I’m angry at myself for being back in this position. Sad that I’ve caused my husband and loved ones stress and worry....
Read MoreRelapse: Return to Treatment
I had a dream a few nights ago that I was on a ship docked in a harbor. It was an overcast morning. I was leaning on the railing, watching other ships passing through the harbor as I waited for us to embark. Suddenly, a ship across the way overturned and sank. As the passengers near me on the deck began to panic, the crew assured us that everything was fine and told us to stay calm. It’s better to remain where we are, they said. But I became terrified that our ship was about to go down, too. So, I turned and ran, determined to find a way off. It’s not uncommon for me to dream...
Read MoreFive Things You Should Know About Your Insurance
Yesterday I was in Washington, DC with the Eating Disorders Coalition and many eating disorder/mental health advocates from across the country for the 2015 Spring Lobby Day. This time we were focusing our energies on the Anna Westin Act of 2015. This legislation would clarify the mental health parity act (so that insurance companies stop unjustly denying patients treatment), increase training about eating disorders for health professionals, and encourage truth in advertising. However — I will write more about that at another time! For now, I wanted to share with you a post that I wrote for...
Read MoreRecovery Is Now
One Friday, about four weeks into residential treatment, I had a particularly bad day. In a moment of distress and vulnerability, I slipped up and used a behavior, which ended up costing me dearly in that very strict, “merit-based” treatment structure. My roommate and another friend rallied around me. That night, the three of us skipped the mandatory family group and camped out in our bedroom, hiding like truant teenagers from the counselors who came around to check that everyone was at the group. We sat on the floor between our beds and played cards, gossiping about our...
Read MoreThe Middle Ground: What No One Tells You About Recovery
I have over 2,300 photos on my phone. It’s completely overloaded. I haven’t been able to upgrade the software in months because it is too full of photos. (At least a third of which are probably my cat…) I suppose I’m like many other millennials when it comes to the photo obsession. Or maybe it’s just that I land solidly in the visual learner category. Regardless, these photos are the way that I recall my day to day life. To a casual onlooker, many of them probably seem mundane — the picture of me and my cousin on the roof of my building, or the selfie of me at...
Read More
