Perspective, If Not Hypocrisy
Perspective: This week, my puppy Stella got sick. It’s nothing serious — the vet thinks that it’s simply a matter of the Purina brand of food disagreeing with her stomach. Regardless, it’s been worrisome and laborious to nurse her through it.I’ve felt anxious and afraid every time she isn’t able to hold on to what she eats. I’ve been inspecting her waistline closely, fearful that she is losing weight. She is already lean to begin with (we think she is part hound), so she really doesn’t have weight to lose. I’ve felt relief and happiness every...
Read MoreA Good Enough Recovery
I say often that I hesitate to admit here when I’m struggling. I say that I don’t want to be anything dimmer than a beacon of a recovery. The thing is, I’m fairly certain that no one expects me to be that. As is usually the case, the only expectations of which I’m falling short are my own. Still, I worry about disappointing people. I worry about not being able to achieve my goals as a recovery advocate and maybe even a clinician. I worry that admitting my struggles will make them more real, or bigger and badder, as if the eating disorder will take on a life of its own...
Read MoreRefinery29 Accuses Author of Claiming to Cure Bulimia
For the last few weeks I have been writing for the Proud2BMe.org Media Response Team. A dozen or so 20-somethings (and some younger) keep an eye out for images, articles, and anything else that sustains the thin ideal, unrealistic body image, fat (or thin) shaming, and so on and so forth. My editor recently alerted us to a recent book review put out by the website Refinery29 about a forthcoming book called Chasing Hunger. According to Refinery29 writer Kelsey Miller, the book is “so outrageous and offensive that it’s almost laughable. Almost.” And indeed — what Miller recounted was...
Read MoreI Went Through Treatment — Why Aren’t I Recovered?
I’ve been out of treatment for more than two months now. And yet it feels as though I’m no closer to recovery than I was this spring. My therapist and nutritionist have each in turn recommended different groups and programs to try — one of them being Anorexics and Bulimics Anonymous (ABA). I’m at my strongest when I’m among peers, they both reminded me — not isolated. I’ve attended other kinds of This-or-That Anonymous meetings, but I’ve never been able to connect with the ironclad 12-step model or the insistence on giving oneself over to a “higher power” (albeit, in...
Read MoreMidway Through Recovery: What Do I Need?
Throughout recovery from an eating disorder, you need different things at different points of the process. Early on, your needs may be very concrete: you need encouragement during meals, regular check-ins with your support system, a shoulder for the copious tears that accompany recovery. I’ve always found it difficult to articulate my needs; it has been even more difficult to come up with an answer now that I’m here in the middle ground. My needs are less concrete now, because my task is to gradually take responsibility for my own recovery. I need to bring myself to follow my meal plan, even...
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