Feeling Overwhelmed—And a Whole Lot More
I just had “the meeting” with my bosses about leaving again for treatment. They were amazingly supportive, as they’ve always been. As long as no surprises happen on the insurance front, and as long as I’m medically stable enough to be in day treatment, I could start at Monte Nido as soon as Thursday. I got a bit weepy talking to my bosses about the situation, which is very unusual for me. I suppose I’m just feeling fragile today. I’m angry at myself for being back in this position. Sad that I’ve caused my husband and loved ones stress and worry....
Read MoreThank You and Bear With Me!
Hello all. You might have noticed that I haven’t been writing as frequently as I normally do. I have not abandoned this blog! Quite the opposite, in fact — it’s amazing how this blog has become seamlessly incorporated into my life. Writing is never a chore or an obligation. It is simply my mode of being. However, I am also a writer in my professional life. (Which I consider myself very fortunate to be.) The spring months at my job are extraordinarily busy. In addition to the sharply increased workload, I’m taking courses for my graduate program. When I get home after work...
Read MoreYour Secrets Keep You Sick
Okay… I guess have to write this post. It’s time I come clean about the fact that I’ve been struggling a lot lately. As I always say here, I wish I could be sunshine and smiles and recovery all the time, but that’s just not what the middle ground is. The middle ground is a labyrinth full of potholes and dead ends and roads that lead you in circles. But if there’s one path that’s guaranteed to take you to relapse, it’s the path of secrecy. I won’t say exactly what’s going on, because I try to avoid mention of specific behaviors, numbers,...
Read MoreMoney, Power, and Eating Disorder Justice
I’m a bit late in writing this, as it has been an up-and-down sort of week. Better late than never, right? Last Wednesday I had the totally awesome experience of joining members of the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) for Mental Health Matters Day in Albany. We met with legislators and their staff to advocate on behalf of important eating disorder issues, especially matters of justice and accessing treatment. Specifically, we were asking 1) to help close the gap between so-called mental health parity justice and what insurers REALLY end up covering for mental health (i.e., not...
Read MoreI Am So, So Tired of Recovery
Once again, while I’d prefer to be that ray of sunshine beaming down onto the dark and messy world of recovery, I wouldn’t be accurately portraying the middle ground if I did. Sometimes, this recovery thing really sucks. Fortunately, I’ve been in recovery long enough now that my new behaviors are starting to feel natural. I’m more taken aback to hear my eating disorder pipe up than I am to find myself doing something instinctively recovery-oriented. But still, there are times that I get really, really tired of all of this. Tired of spending five days a week in therapy. Tired of...
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