Recovery Is Now
One Friday, about four weeks into residential treatment, I had a particularly bad day. In a moment of distress and vulnerability, I slipped up and used a behavior, which ended up costing me dearly in that very strict, “merit-based” treatment structure. My roommate and another friend rallied around me. That night, the three of us skipped the mandatory family group and camped out in our bedroom, hiding like truant teenagers from the counselors who came around to check that everyone was at the group. We sat on the floor between our beds and played cards, gossiping about our...
Read MoreRefinery29 Accuses Author of Claiming to Cure Bulimia
For the last few weeks I have been writing for the Proud2BMe.org Media Response Team. A dozen or so 20-somethings (and some younger) keep an eye out for images, articles, and anything else that sustains the thin ideal, unrealistic body image, fat (or thin) shaming, and so on and so forth. My editor recently alerted us to a recent book review put out by the website Refinery29 about a forthcoming book called Chasing Hunger. According to Refinery29 writer Kelsey Miller, the book is “so outrageous and offensive that it’s almost laughable. Almost.” And indeed — what Miller recounted was...
Read MoreMore Than Weight Had Been Lost: One Year Post-Residential
I sat in the waiting area clutching the hospital gown I had been given, waiting for one of the nurses to call my name. A shoeless girl shuffled by wheeling a pole with an IV bag dangling from the top. A long tube protruded from the IV bag, snaked down the pole, and disappeared into her nose. What am I doing here? One year ago today I was admitted into a residential treatment center in Philadelphia. Emotionally, I was already drained from battling just to get to the facility. I had been told more than two weeks earlier that I wasn’t making enough progress in the day treatment program and...
Read MoreAnthem, Mental Health’s Public Enemy No. 1, Called Out in “Denied”
On Sunday, 60 Minutes ran a segment called “Denied” that investigated the routine practice of insurance companies to deny mentally ill patients the treatment their doctors prescribe. Since the segment premiered, multiple people have alerted me to the video or sent me links directly, as it is no secret by now that I am one of the thousands who have been and continue to be negatively impacted by insurance providers. The clip was hard to watch. It opened with the story of Katherine West, who died at age 15 of bulimia (which caused heart failure) after being cut from her residential...
Read MoreUsing Anger to Fight Your Eating Disorder
Anger and Anorexia Anger has become a regular topic in my life since starting treatment for my eating disorder. Entire group therapy sessions are dedicated to it: How did your parents exhibit anger? What was your experience of their anger? How do you express anger now? Do you allow yourself to feel it at all? I’ve learned from these groups that many people with eating disorders are like me in that they are reluctant — sometimes downright refuse — to express anger. For the most part, this is a learned behavior. Growing up, I experienced anger in my family as the steam in a pressure cooker:...
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