A Dream
I had an intense dream two nights ago. Something bad had happened, although I’m not exactly sure what. I was sobbing, racked with grief. That’s what stands out most about the dream — the feeling of that grief, of sinking to the ground and sobbing loudly and violently and not knowing if I’d ever be able to stop crying. It was everywhere, the grief — in my throat, my chest, my shoulders, my back, my knees. It was the word NO over and over again, the feeling that something I treasured had been irretrievably lost. There were people around me. They were looking on, but not doing...
Read MoreThese are the Trenches Through Which Recovery Runs
An Eater’s Agreement Written for my EDTNY graduation on August 24 Sarah walked into our therapy session on Wednesday holding a 50-foot spool of yellow rope. Looking at her, I couldn’t imagine what one could possibly do with a rope that would be therapeutic. It turned out to be an exercise in boundaries. The idea was to use the rope to represent the boundaries I’ve created or would like to create. By the end, I’d discovered that when it comes to people, my boundaries are fairly permeable — a little too permeable sometimes. But that’s not actually the problematic one. My...
Read MoreReturn
54 days | 17 hours | 1 minute | 45 seconds So… It’s been a while. Two months, just about. But here I am, returning to the blogosphere. As expected, my new insurance (United Healthcare) didn’t hold out for very long. Of the four to six weeks recommended for partial hospitalization, I didn’t even make it to two. I transitioned to intensive outpatient — 5 meals / 5 program days per week, as opposed to 10 meals / 7 program days per week — although even that looked like it wasn’t going to pan out at first. But it did, and I made the transition, though not without a week of food nightmares...
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I'm a writer, a mental health activist, and a 20-something in recovery from an eating disorder. This blog chronicles my journey through the middle ground toward full recovery.
