Feeling Overwhelmed—And a Whole Lot More
I just had “the meeting” with my bosses about leaving again for treatment. They were amazingly supportive, as they’ve always been. As long as no surprises happen on the insurance front, and as long as I’m medically stable enough to be in day treatment, I could start at Monte Nido as soon as Thursday. I got a bit weepy talking to my bosses about the situation, which is very unusual for me. I suppose I’m just feeling fragile today. I’m angry at myself for being back in this position. Sad that I’ve caused my husband and loved ones stress and worry....
Read MoreRelapse: Return to Treatment
I had a dream a few nights ago that I was on a ship docked in a harbor. It was an overcast morning. I was leaning on the railing, watching other ships passing through the harbor as I waited for us to embark. Suddenly, a ship across the way overturned and sank. As the passengers near me on the deck began to panic, the crew assured us that everything was fine and told us to stay calm. It’s better to remain where we are, they said. But I became terrified that our ship was about to go down, too. So, I turned and ran, determined to find a way off. It’s not uncommon for me to dream...
Read MoreMind’s Dominion Over Body
Dualism © Joanna Kay, 2015 Plato conceived of the transcendental and the material. Descartes, of mind’s dominion over body. Captivated, I used to devour these texts. It is the Western birthright to be caught between these warring sects, to be enlightened. The crawling creature versus the brine from which it crept; the animal that raised it’s front paws and walked, stately, out of nature; the rogue cell that divided too rapidly for the system’s good, ending in fatal proliferation. Mind has thought it could bend Body to its will. It would Think Itself into oblivion if it...
Read MoreA Letter From the Brink of Relapse
By Don Blackwell, author of Dear Ashley: A Father’s Reflections and Letters to His Daughter on Life, Love and Hope See this original post on EatingDisordersBlogs.com A Letter From the Brink of Relapse “Just eat for God’s sake, for your sake – for our sake!” Dear Mom, Dad, Husband, Brother, Sister, Friend, I know you’re frustrated and angry that I’m struggling – AGAIN! Believe me, I am too, but I’m also terribly afraid – afraid of slipping back into the quicksand of this insidious disease, afraid of the darkness that I know is waiting for me if it succeeds in pulling me back in, if it...
Read MorePerspective, If Not Hypocrisy
Perspective: This week, my puppy Stella got sick. It’s nothing serious — the vet thinks that it’s simply a matter of the Purina brand of food disagreeing with her stomach. Regardless, it’s been worrisome and laborious to nurse her through it.I’ve felt anxious and afraid every time she isn’t able to hold on to what she eats. I’ve been inspecting her waistline closely, fearful that she is losing weight. She is already lean to begin with (we think she is part hound), so she really doesn’t have weight to lose. I’ve felt relief and happiness every...
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I'm a writer, a mental health activist, and a 20-something in recovery from an eating disorder. This blog chronicles my journey through the middle ground toward full recovery.
