Posts made in January, 2016

More Than Weight Has Been Gained

Posted by on Jan 28, 2016 in My Story | Comments Off on More Than Weight Has Been Gained

More Than Weight Has Been Gained

The Road to Residential Two years ago today, at 5 a.m. on a frozen Tuesday morning, my fiancé and I rented a car and drove 100 miles from New York City to Philadelphia, where I would be entering residential treatment for anorexia. I’d been in a day treatment program for a little more than seven weeks by that point, but it had become clear that I needed more help. My weight, already dangerously low, hadn’t budged, so my treatment team determined that my best chance at recovery would be in a 24/7 care facility. I had no idea how long I would be gone. I didn’t tell anyone what...

Read More

Please Don’t Ask Me How Long This Will Take

Posted by on Jan 14, 2016 in Ins and Outs of Eating Disorders, Therapeutic Letters | 2 comments

Please Don’t Ask Me How Long This Will Take

How long will recovery take? An open letter to our Supporters, We had the fight again — the one that happens when our heroic patience finally deflates, and our frustration comes hissing out until it permeates through the house. You want to know: How long is this going to take? How long are we going to suffer like this? You are tired. You are trying your hardest and we are draining our resources, but nothing seems to do the trick. You don’t know if there is ever a “right thing” to say. Most of the time, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, afraid that your well-intended comment is going...

Read More

Hope and Hopelessness in Early Recovery: A Look Back

Posted by on Jan 8, 2016 in Ins and Outs of Eating Disorders, My Story | Comments Off on Hope and Hopelessness in Early Recovery: A Look Back

Hope and Hopelessness in Early Recovery: A Look Back

I should call the emergency line. I should email my therapist. I should tell [my fiancé]. I know exactly what I should do. I just don’t want to. I don’t want to be stopped. – Journal entry from Jan. 6, 2014 (full excerpt below) On Monday the temperature plummeted here in New York. The smell and feel of the cold air — which has been rare so far this winter — brought me back to January of 2014. It was one of the worst winters in recent years for the Northeast. It was also the winter I spent in residential treatment. It’s hard not to think back on that ordeal this time of year. I...

Read More